The Interview call that never came :(

One puts in everything for the Mains. So not getting an interview call can be quite shattering. The most destructive and self defeating of thoughts begin to creep in. “Can I possibly do better than what I have already done. Haven’t I worked really really hard? I haven’t made it despite all that. Do I really stand a chance in which case?"

Though one wouldn’t admit it openly, just about everyone who writes the Mains exams expects an interview call. This is probably because they gain confidence after clearing the first hurdle in the form of the Prelims. And everyone positively works really really hard in the few weeks separating the declaration of Prelims results and the Mains examination.

Even if one is a little less satisfied with a certain answer in the Optional paper and that bouncer in the General Studies paper that only economists/historians can answer, weeks after the Mains exams one tends to actually forget one’s performance. That is the optimist in one, becomes increasingly assertive and dominant in wishful thinking.

It’s very demoralizing and painful and takes weeks to get over.
So when DS called from Delhi to unburden his heart, I lived through the pain and bitterness of summer of 2007 all over again.

I tried my best to put him at ease and cheer him up, but deep down we both knew that it was actually a matter of time.

Hurray. the acknowldegent card finally arrives !!

Sigh!
What a relief!

The acknowledgement card has finally arrived (!!) from the UPSC confirming the receipt of my application for the 2008 prelims exams. But why the euphoria? It’s just an acknowledgement card saying that one’s application form has been received. No it’s not the final letter of selection or the interview call letter not even the application form for the mains exams.

Apparently, only the applicant will realize how central the acknowledgement card is to his scheme of things and to his peace of mind.

Most non first-time CS aspirants are in most of the cases just waiting for the notification by the UPSC to appear in the Employment News to mail the application form.
This is because UPSC uses a pre-designed computer process able application from for all the exams that it conducts. The applicant can fill in (darken the bubbles) of 97 % of the application even before the formal announcement calling for application is made in the month of Dec every year. This being the case the application is promptly mailed a day or two after the notification appears in the Employment News with all the details. The acknowledgement card is a self addressed stamped card which is part of the application form that is sent to the UPSC along with one’s application.

Having mailed the form, one eagerly awaits for the acknowledgement card from UPSC.
A week later there is no sight of the acknowledgement card. One takes it in stride because of one’s understanding of the Indian postal service. A fortnight later one is a little more disturbed and reasons out that Delhi airport is fogged out this time of the year and what with the flights getting cancelled and re-scheduled it should only be matter of days before the acknowledgment finally arrives.

Ideally anywhere in India, an acknowledgement to any letter if it’s meant to be sent should reach even in the worst case scenario in under 15 days. Even if the letter is sent from Agartala and the intended recipient is in Tuticorin.

There is also this nervousness and tension fuelled by the such wild thoughts that the anxious mind comes up with to justify the possibility of one’s letter not reaching UPSC (what if there were termites in the rusty old letter box, what if the postman was careless, dammit why did I not send it by speed post, serves me right for trying to save 40 rupees)

A couple of days later, one begins to call up friends all over to see if they have had any luck with the acknowledgement form. Oh sigh GU lives in Delhi, and she has hand-delivered the application form. SK is in Delhi again, he too has opted for hand delivery. HK had grown wiser from the agonies of previous years. He did not attempt to save 40 rupees and had sent it by speed post.SD doesn’t really care if she receives it. She is taking the exams like zillions of others as a national past time. Besides she has options. She is considering doing her PhD.

20 days after sending the form, one considers sending a second application form this time by speed post. But then one remembers the previous year’s instance when two application forms were sent fuelled by anxiety and subsequent receipt of both the acknowledgment card weeks after the last date of submission of applications was long over.

And then there are also friends who are in similar or worse state of mental agony who call up from Hyderabad two days before the last date of submission discussing the possibility of air dashing to Delhi, to resubmit the form by hand.
One’s financial resources does not permit an air dash to Delhi …grrr…why did I not re-send the application from a week earlier ( what if the termites had really eaten up the envelope this time )

Apparently nobody at UPSC gives a damn about such (misplaced?) anxieties of students. What do they care? In all probability all the application forms received by them are dumped into a huge bin only to be processed weeks later, after the last date for submission of application forms is long over.

Which is why SD’s casual comment, rings like that of an informed insider “Oh if you are among the first ones to send the application form, you will be among the last ones to receive your acknowledgement card”.

and that is how it turned out

What was intended to be a week long re-juventating break in Kerala away from the maddening traffic and 12 hour stress-inducing work day in Bangalore, has turned out to be a month long affair.
After quitting my second job in as many years, I was indeed looking forward to spending a few days with my parents and feasting on fish/prawns/crab curry/fry and having some leisurely 'me' moments on the terrace caressed by the river breeze. This, I had imagined would recharge me well for the gruelling two months ahead of me that were crucial to revise for the Prelims due in May.


Alas, that was not to be. I spent two weeks bedridden on a strict vegetarian diet thanks to the scarring chicken pox. Not having a bath for 17 days in hot and humid Kerala was the worst part.



P.S : The scars on the face remain. And the thought does cross my mind 'will the scars not drastically de-value me in the marriage market :-( ?!!'